Boulder Counselor and Therapist | David Robbins, MA, LPC

On this eve of the new year I’ve been thinking about intention. It is the tradition for many to set resolutions for the new year, which sounds a lot like goals – it seems like a bit of a set up for self-criticism and self-judgment if we fail to meet our often lofty (but well intentioned goals for ourselves). I know it has been for me in the past.  I like to approach a big transition like the beginning of 2009 with an intention or a set of intentions.  I define intention as a continuity of attention and energy that underlie both  inner and external manifestation and change.  This is differentiated from a goal or resolution as these predict a hard and fast, usually very solid outcome.  Our intention is more of an impulse that can guide action and behavior, though we don’t know exactly what the outcome will be….

There is no way we can fail at this.  We may forget our intention sometimes, but we can renew it at any time by coming back to it over and over again.  One of my intentions for the new year is to nurture and appreciate the many relationships in my life – with friends, family, loved ones, pets, and clients.  Basically with all the wonderful people in my life who share their generosity and big spirit with me.  I’m sure there will be days where I am engrossed in some intense situation with my work or personal life and I will neglect or take for granted certain relationships.  These kinds of days and situations happen.  I will just come back to the intention again, no need for judgment or self-flagellation, just reminding myself that in each moment I am empowered to change my intention redirect my awareness and energy and influence what and how my life manifests – in this case how I approach the relationships in my life.

We can use our intention as a kind of mindfulness practice – we come back to it again and again, if we forget we eventually wake up to our intentions and begin to let them filter back into our life through our feelings and thoughts and actions.  As we find we are distracted, we wake up again and again coming back to our conscious intentions.

As an aid to remembering,  I like to write down  my intention(s) in big letters on a piece of paper and post them somewhere I will see them every day as an aid to coming back and waking up to my intentions.

May you be blessed with contentment, peace, and courage in the coming new year.

I have sat in the seat of the therapist and the client and my essential thoughts about therapy is that it works (I wouldn’t be in this line of work if it didn’t.)  There are a few ingredients that need to be present for this to happen.

1. Good chemistry between the therapist and client – essentially it has to feel like a comfortable place where you can begin to relax and open up. I say ‘begin to’, because any good relationship needs time to develop a ground of safety and trust.  You will probably have a sense of some comfort initially in a beginning consultation or over the phone with your prospective therapist. Studies have shown that the best indicator for a positive therapeutic experience is the quality of relationship between the therapist and client.
2. A desire to change – this will come from you, you may have specific things you want to work on, or a general feeling of stuckness or that something is missing.  I personally feel that goal direction is important in therapy, and your therapist should be able to guide you in a process to become more clear about how you want your life to change and what issues might be beneficial to work on to support movement towards this goals.  Though therapy is process oriented, I’ve found in my work with clients that process work that is aimed at accomplishing certain goals agreed upon between you and the therapist creates a more satisfying and positive experience for both parties – and is more effective overall.
3. Willingness to turn towards your suffering, fears, and stuck places – This means, with the support of your therapist you gently and compassionately begin to explore the feelings and thoughts associated with the wounding and/or issues you have chosen to address in therapy. You can be prepared for this by learning certain skills and strategies for managing overwhelming feelings and thoughts.
4. Bringing your insights and growth into your life – This is accomplished by taking the information, the wisdom that emerges, and the changes that have occurred in your body/mind during therapy into the rest of your life.  This can be accomplished by using the skills, and techniques that you have learned in the safety of your therapist’s office into your life.  I work with clients to tailor the skills and techniques we have learned into specific strategies to remove obstacles, or move through the fear and suffering to change the way they relate to the people and the situations of their lives. This includes strategies for creating the life you envision and moving form just surviving to thriving.
5. Therapy that fits for you – Often therapists who receive training in a certain type of therapy i.e. gestalt therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, solution-focused therapy, EMDR, etc. will use a cookie cutter style to work with all clients.  Though all of these styles of therapy are valid and extremely useful (I personally have trained in all of these), it is important that therapy be specifically tailored to each individual client’s needs. Therapists who are more dedicated to sticking their training than honoring your unique needs and your unique journey will ultimately not offer you the most therapeutic experience. I strive to create a unique and healing experience for each client so that they can move past obstacles  and experience a sense of well being and satisfaction with their life. I consider this a ‘relationship focused therapy’ that utilizes the many tools of psychotherapy, but is not wedded to one way of healing. Everyone’s path is unique and your therapist should strive to meet you there.

Best Wishes to you,

David

This is the future home for the blog of David S. Robbins, MA, Boulder Counselor and Psychotherapist. Coming soon!